If you’re panicking, doubting yourself, or thinking of eloping – stope here and breathe. This guide is to help you come back to joy
After seeing hundreds of weddings – grand, simple and everything in-between – I’ve learned there’s no “right” way to celebrate. My approach is all about honest support, practical experience, and a bit of DIY spirit. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed or just want to squeeze every ounce of joy from your wedding these 10 lessons are here to help you turn the stress into excitement and truly enjoy the process.
Lesson 1 – Trust your instincts!
When shopping for wedding shoes I felt I ‘should’ get a white/ivory pair to match my dress. You only have to search ‘bridal shoes’ and your screen will be flooded with all shades of white and cream – problem was I knew that I would never wear them again. Instead I decided to get some navy blue shoes – a colour I wear ALL the time and they could count as my ‘something blue’! I fell in love with a pair from Sargasso and Grey and ordered them ready for the big day.
I felt SO excited to wear them, they were beautiful, the most money I had ever spent on a pair of shoes AND I really loved them. A good friend casually asked me about my shoes, I jumped up saying – I have them already – I’ll show you. You should have seen his face when I showed him. He said ‘you can’t wear those for your wedding day!’ ‘why not? … “No kay, you need a cream pair”. I said ‘why do I? no one is even going to see them’ – He said, “I am going to take a picture of you on your wedding day and prove to you that you can see them”. A few months later after my big day he casually mentioned – “by the way you were right, you couldn’t see your shoes at all on the day!”
I was so pleased as it really was one of the first times in my life I had really trusted myself, I had a lovely pair of shoes which I still get to wear for special occasions and am sure will have for many years to come. This is the power of following your own instincts over pleasing others – confidence and confidence I have found is like a muscle – every time you make a small move to trust yourself your instincts and confident levels will grow even stronger.
Lesson 2 – Learn to balance your own boundaries with empathy
I see many couple have deliberations about decisions they wish to make that then causes conflict. A common example of this is whether to invite children to your wedding. If you wish to have a child free wedding you are of course entitled to implement this rule. The conflict I see that arises from this is when couples then get frustrated when guests either decline the invite or ask to bring the children.
We ‘kind of’ had a child free wedding but my nephews were invited because they are immediate family and I could not imagine them not being there. We had four other children attend – these were all children of couples that had to travel over 200 miles (some from abroad) for the day. I understood that some were being breastfed which meant mothers could not be apart from them for 48 hours and we adapted ‘the rules’. I have heard lots of brides say ‘I have said no children so I can’t have ‘x’ child because then everyone else will say why could mine not come… I don’t know many parents that would not jump at the chance to have a child free day should they have the opportunity to do so, so I encourage you to set boundaries for your day, but lead with empathy – sometimes a little flexibility says more about your values than any rule every could.
Lesson 3 – Invest in what is meaningful to you, not what impresses others. Your memories will outlast any price tag.
Nothing will steal your wedding joy more than money worries. I encourage you to sit down with your partner and decide what you would like to spend on your wedding day – that’s right, what you would like to spend, not just what you can afford – just because you can afford to spend tens of thousands on a wedding doesn’t mean to say that you would want to. By focusing on the parts of the day that really matters you can prioritise areas where you can splurge and areas in which you can pull back. Knowing that you can comfortably afford the payments as and when they are due will help keep the wedding planning joyful.
Lesson 4 – Great celebrations are easier when everyone can focus on the fun- plan so its simple for guests to stay, celebrate and get home safe.
I grew up in rural West Sussex and have witnessed so many gorgeous country barns, tipis and farm weddings – they are beautiful, but these venues tucked down windy country lanes are pitch black in the evening. Uber is not a thing in these parts and any taxis you can (if booked weeks ahead) will charge a small fortune. Public transport is non-existent past 5pm and accommodation is few and far between. So if you are intending to have a packed dance floor until the early hours of the morning I encourage you to consider your guests journey – perhaps arranging small coaches, sending taxi details and accommodation suggestions with your invitations. This will allow your guests to relax and enjoy as much of the day with you as possible.
Lesson 5 – When you stand with your person, the world fades away.
All the stress and details melt when you reach the end of the aisle on your wedding day and what is left is pure love. That’s the real magic – don’t lose sight of it in the chaos.
Lesson 6 – Walk through your day in your mind before you live it – see every detail, feel every moment. That’s how you build a wedding that flows with ease and joy.
On my wedding day guests were flabbergasted that ‘I had remembered everything!’ – from a dietary requirement to an activity pack for their children. I was able to do this by regularly sitting and playing out the day in my mind. This exercise will help you anticipate not just your needs but the needs of your suppliers, guests and bridal party too.
Lesson 7 – The best weddings aren’t copied, they’re created. When you add details that really mean something to you, that’s when your day become truly unforgettable.
If ever there is a chance to add a family tradition, unique experience or touch to the day I could not cheer you on louder to go ahead and do it. From years working in the wedding industry it is these moments that I remember most – some examples – my sister hand punching thousands of love hearts for her homemade confetti, my friend Mel who had one of the wedding party drive over 2 hours on the morning of their wedding to collect bagels that the couple love to have for breakfast on Sundays to share with their guests on the evening buffet, hand written letters to guests thanking them for their help and support for the big day – big or small gestures these are the things people will remember. Personal touches always beat perfection.
Lesson 8 – Keep it simple and organised – one good spreadsheet can save your sanity from start to finish!
Unless you are a tech wizard forget the wedding websites, apps and sites – you can rely on the trusty faithful of excel. One good spreadsheet is all you need to keep track on RSVP’s, dietary requirements, payment tracker and any other areas you may need to keep track of. Setting it up correctly from the beginning will ensure you do not become overwhelmed as you get closer to the big day.
Lesson 9 – Those ‘bridezilla’ moments are a sign you need care, not criticism.
Often it is not what happens in the moment that causes us to react in a certain way, it is more the meaning that we give to what has happened that causes us to react. Being able to pause and reflect on what is happening before impulsively reacting can make a huge difference to not just your own stress levels but also to all the relationships surrounding you – from your fiancé to friends and family to you and even your wedding suppliers.
Lesson 10 – There will come a time when it will ‘all be over’.
Remember to plan for the marriage, not just the wedding – that will help you beat the wedding blues after your big day and ensure you have the best start to your marriage.
Before I finish, there’s one last reflection I would like to share – not about the wedding day itself, but the journey that comes after. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that the magic doesn’t end at ‘I do’.
I used to shut down when things got tough – I’d go quiet, keep it all inside, and end up venting to friends instead of sharing what I honestly felt with my husband. I didn’t realise how much resentment this habit could build. After having some coaching I started to open up, even if it felt awkward or vulnerable at first, it gave us both a chance to fix things together. It surprised me – I thought it would be harder, but it brought us closer, and it taught me that marriage isn’t about losing yourself; it’s about creating real partnership, one honest conversation at a time.
Kay x